(Want to run into this in a dark, internet alleyway?)

Online dating has so many adjectives associated with it; scary, disappointing, frustrating, intimidating, embarrassing, and I could really go on with quite a few more. There are also some positives ones, I just have never experienced those. I do know personally a few people who found great relationships from their computer screen though, which is why I decided to give it a try a while back. You read that right, I dipped my toe into the edge of the vast sea of the inter web personals because honestly I’d really like my next relationship to come from somewhere other than a bar. You know who you meet in bars? Alcoholics.

There are some great things about online dating that you should take into consideration before you decide to harshly judge me.

1. While online, you can bypass anyone that isn’t on the same page as you in life. Whether that be religion, kids, or jobs. It can really help avoid any future awkwardness when you find out the person you’ve fallen madly in love with has a weird  obsession with Dolly Parton. (Check out their interests section, it’s all there.)

2. Dating through a screen takes out the chances of either parties being inebriated. I don’t know if you guys knew this but alcohol has a way of impairing judgement and when you mix it with some ‘cute’ person you met out one night it usually never leads to good things. Meeting online should take care of that issue, unless of course you’re sitting at home drinking a bottle of jack while searching profiles, in that case…ew.

3. Finally, you don’t even have to change out of your pj’s to meet someone, which as I mentioned in my previous post is something I greatly appreciate.

So the biggest problem I had about using the web to find a date? I’m insanely shallow. More so than should be allowed for my body type. It’s a major character flaw of mine and one that I’ve always struggled with. Only with potential dating partners do I become the person who judges a book by it’s cover. That doesn’t seem fair does it? Well I don’t have to be fair. I know what I want and I’m not going to settle for less than that. This would probably explain why I’ve had so few relationships in my short 25 years…at least I hope it was because of my vanity. The unfortunate part of all this is that it limits my already small pool of suitors from Maine who have fast enough internet access to get online. I start judging right away; ‘His ears are too big, I don’t like his shirt, who takes a picture standing like that?’. I wouldn’t be judging these guys nearly as harshly if I met them downtown.  So because of my shallowness I never actually went through with meeting someone in person.

Luckily, I don’t seem to have a problem meeting people outside of the internet world. I mean, I’m still curious though about what else could be out there but at the same time, I’m all set if I never do it again. Because, fair warning, if you decide to do the online matchmaking thing please be prepared for the majority of the people trying to contact you to be creeps. Legit ones. These are the people you should ignore, don’t even engage them.

Because I got a good laugh from this, I’ll share with you some of the best creeps, that I remember, who tried to contact me. There was the guy who spoke about the religion he’d created and described his love of tribal dances. (Strange) There was another who asked me to join his relationship with the girlfriend he already had. (Gross) Another gentleman offered to buy me a whole bottle of liquor if I went out with him. (Swoon!)

You can see why I had felt the need to return to the physical world.

Honestly, there’s nothing better than meeting someone the good old fashioned way, naturally and in person. You can tell within the first few moments if an attraction is there and while I don’t put much stock in trusting butterflies, it’s still a nice feeling to get. From that point forward it’s just seeing if our personalities match up. Will they hear and understand the infliction in my voice when I make a tasteless joke and then forgive me for inheriting my mother’s twisted sense of humor? And can they hide their disgust when they see my shoes resemble clogs from walking on the backs of them, all thanks to my father’s impatience for shoelaces?

It’s hard to gauge all of that online. Nearly impossible actually, it’s not like they’ve created a sarcasm font yet. Which I’m sure many of you would agree with me, needs to happen immediately. Otherwise this online dating fad is never going to survive.