Have you seen this clip from Louie?

If not, it’s a must see. Louie has been a comedian I have always had lukewarm feelings about, I find some of his act hilarious and some completely uninteresting. But, he really got it completely right this time. He hits on a sensitive topic by talking about the double standard woman deal with when it comes to their weight.

When you’re a woman and decide not to date a man because he’s overweight, you’re a bitch because of course he’s probably adorable and funny and all the other Hollywood stereotypes. Men get a free pass when it comes to dating large women though, because it’s completely understandable. Why would a guy ever be ridiculed or shamed for not dating an overweight woman? Being mocked is actually what usually keeps them away from fantastic, funny, and brilliant women. And the messed up thing is that our society says that’s okay.

This topic hits particularly close to home for me this week because I recently found out that at the beginning of my relationship with my ex, before his friends had even met me, he was already telling them that, “She used to be hot.” He apparently would show them old pictures of me on my Facebook and tell them that prior to meeting him, I was hot.

That stung. I mean, deep down somewhere at my core I really felt the burn of those words. I pride myself on being a very confident woman, I obviously have insecurities but I try very hard to not let them affect my life. Finding out about those comments, I’ll admit, set me back a little. I’ve been struggling the last few months to lose weight and (no fault to the friend who shared that information because I think it was important to know) that was really the last thing I needed to hear.

After the initial hurt of his careless words  started to fade away, I became angry. It really blew my mind. He had chosen me. I didn’t approach him first that late night, he walked over to me. And he didn’t walk over because I was giving some eloquent, brilliant speech in the middle of downtown. He walked over because he liked how my shirt fit. I wasn’t the first one to text constantly asking to see him again, that was him. He didn’t turn me down when I tried to attempt a first kiss, that again was reversed. How could someone be in an over two year relationship and not ever be attracted to their partner? They can’t, it’s not possible. He was even the one that said during one particularly emotional time after we’d broken up that he was particularly bummed because I had the best body out of anyone he’d dated. He then quickly followed that up with, “You should believe me because we’re not dating anymore and I don’t have to lie to you.”

Thanks.

So was it shame that he felt the need to justify my extra weight to his friends? Was it because I didn’t fit into a certain BMI and he thus ran the risk of being ridiculed for going after what he found attractive? No one knows but him and what Louie’s words show us is that there are many people out there who feel the same way as my ex.

It also starts a discussion, why do men feel so scared to admit that some women are the complete package for them, even if the package comes a little larger than some others. I’m lucky in that my body shape distributes my extra pounds in a way that makes it mostly flattering, but the fact is I’m still overweight. I’m still fat, and crazily enough, I still think I’m beautiful, sexy, alluring, pretty, and sometimes adorable. Really they should make a Barbie doll of more girls like me, they’d break a lot less. I still catch myself in the mirror sometimes and think, “Damn!” I buy two piece bathing suits and proudly wear them because a few stretch marks here or there aren’t going to ruin my chances of an amazing tan. I’m still allowed to think and do those things. Just like Louie’s date says in her monologue, why is the privilege of being wanted by someone taken away from me because my pant size isn’t single digit?

My ex doesn’t get to decide when I’m ‘hot.’ He didn’t then and he doesn’t get to now. Back in the ‘hot’ days he was referring to, I was less secure, and wasn’t as driven. Now I’ve added those qualities to my package plus I’ve got an ass that would make J-Lo jealous, so I’d say I’m doing okay. Because of that, I’ll continue on, with my low-calorie diet and daily gym routine knowing that someday, my weight problem might be fixed and if it isn’t, I’m still going to be as fabulous as I am now, probably even more so. He, and others like him though, will continue to battle the inner demons of insecurity and those are much, much, harder to get rid of than a few pounds of fat.