(Whoever heard of having just one chip?)

5 things in my life that I can’t moderate:

Chips: Give me any sized bag of chips and I’ll have eaten all of that salty goodness in probably less than 5 minutes, maybe more if I suddenly don’t feel like the sodium is enough and I start searching for dill pickles to accompany them. This could actually apply to any food because I seem to also be obsessed with pickles, steaks and cake. I can’t seem to moderate what I eat. I even take it to the extreme of hoarding food for days…or even weeks and snacking on them until my stomach aches in hatred of me.

Friends: “Oh hey, did we meet 5 minutes ago? Would you like to be in my future, hypothetical wedding?” This is generally how my most of my interactions with new people go. Men and women. Though I will say that I will never be that girl that complains, “I don’t have many girlfriends because women are just too bitchy.” I call bullshit on that. Female friendships are one of the best things in my life and I’ve started collecting girlfriends like action figures. My guy friends are great, but they will never be able to help me pick out the perfect outfit for a night out or blatantly lie to me about why a guy hasn’t called me back like my lady friends can.

Wine: I don’t often drink wine, especially any of the girly flavored, pastel colored, delicious ones because I know that I will have that thing gone faster than my liver would be able to keep up. Now don’t get crazy and assume I’m saying I’m an alchie, because I’m not, this isn’t an every day or even every week or month occurrence. I’m just saying, don’t tell me to drink in moderation when you create, a quicker, smoother way to consume candy!!

Dresses – Plural. I own so many that my closet is busting at the seams. Albeit, I buy most of them cheaply but I pretty much have enough dressage to last me at least a month without doing laundry (Not that I do that…). Floral, lace, long, short, patterned, and plain, whatever your flavor I have it. I even have dresses in my closet from high school. I don’t part with them because I STILL use them. I’m not wasteful, everything I have gets used in a round. I will never give up my girly, flow-y clothes. Without them I’d be trapped in a pant prison all the time and you don’t want to see me that unhappy.

Internet Usage: I could blame it on my generation and claim that my older relatives would be just as addicted to their glowing screens as I am if they’d had the internet like we do now but that would be really unfair of me. I can’t help but get sucked in day after day. Even stopping to read a book now takes some internet time thanks to my Kindle. (Which I’m obsessed with.) I’m also doing all online classes so my day looks like this: Wake up. Check my Iphone for anything interesting. Go to work. Stare at my computer screen all day. Go home. Use my computer to write papers, check my celebrity gossip and watch the latest episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. As Miley said, “We can’t stop…” and I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready to disconnect. When the internet goes out at any time I go into full panic mode, if I had daddy issues this would be the closest thing to it. The internet is like a friends-with-benefits situation. I don’t always use it, but it’s nice knowing it’s there if I need it. When intoxicated it gets used inappropriately and you don’t want to ever actually admit to other people that you’re in love with it for fear of being looked at weird.