Let’s talk about kids. Let’s talk about babies. If you are reading this and you’re also my Facebook friend then you already know I have the cutest, sweetest, & funniest nephew in the world. I don’t think I exaggerate at all. And I was lucky enough to find out recently that my sister and brother in law are adding to their already great family and making me an aunt all over again, and I’m thrilled beyond words.

Being an aunt has been the best experience ever. From the first moment I got to hold him with his squishy arms and his bald head I knew I wanted to be the best possible person for him. My sister tells me often how the feeling of being a mother is 100x greater, and I believe her. I’m just starting to think that it might not be something that will happen for me.

I’m not stating that as a, ‘Poor me, I’m 25 and I’m all dried up and will never have children.’ That’s ridiculous. There was a time when I was much younger that I thought I’d be an old maid if I didn’t have at least 1 child by now but my perspective on that has certainly changed. I only mean that I’m coming to terms with the thought that I may never be blessed with the gift of motherhood. I mean, it’s still a goal of mine and something I’d love to happen and with these hips it would be such a shame to waste them. I’m just not sure I’d be as devastated as I used to be if it wasn’t in the plan for my future anymore.

That’s kind of a weird thing to start to feel okay with at my young age. I guess I’m still pretty selfish. I feel I have so much more to do in life and without the right partner around, I’m in no rush. My ex was very into the thought of having kids right now, he would mention it often and even brought it up as something we should discuss doing immediately. The thought made me shudder, but maybe that should have been more a sign of the health of our relationship over my desire to be a mother. I’m not sure if he really wanted kids right now or if he saw it as a way to keep our relationship together for a little while longer, at least he knew deep down it would have never fixed anything.

I’m not just selfish though, I’m scared. What if I have children and they’re drug addicts, or murderers, or worse…like me? What if I can’t take care of them the way they should? I’m not like my sister, I would have never known that something like a child wearing their coat in their car seat is a dangerous thing.

Still, the thought of holding a newborn or caring for another human being while loving them an indescribable amount is something that excites me beyond belief, but I also have 3 siblings so I know that I also have plenty more nieces and nephews coming in my future to cuddle and dote on. I thankfully have many more years of getting this best aunt ever thing down.