Alone. That’s the word of the week. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that in a depressing, negative way. I’ve just been realizing more and more how independent I really am. I mean, yes, I would like to think that I’ve been this empowered woman for the last few years but honestly I haven’t realized just how capable I am on my own until now.

In my relationship over the last few years we only spent half of our time physically around each other. The weeks or months that he was gone I was by myself (friends and family not included). I had to entertain myself, dates were created by me, for me. I was very capable of making plans on my own and having my own life. Honestly, I hated how clingy the long distance thing made me. Every time he was home it was like I was scraping and clawing to get as much time in with him as possible and because of that I sacrificed everything that was me just to do the things he wanted to. I don’t blame him for that, I let it happen. Sometimes I wonder if I had been the same independent person I was when he was away, when he was home, we would still be together. Or maybe we would have broken up sooner, who knows.

As much as I love that I know how to change my own washer fluid, can go to the movies by myself, and that I’m not the type of girl who needs to be with someone to feel validated, I’m just kind of tired of the alone. I’m still enjoying my single-ness but I’m also just as excited at the prospect of my next relationship and having a best friend again. I love the closeness of having someone to share things with. I’m done with dating someone I get to see only sometimes.

But, until that time comes I’m going to continue to hone my independent skills and soak in the more time I get with it. Maybe I’ll learn how to change my oil or go on a cruise. Right before I met him 2.5 years ago I was getting ready to move out of state, and he changed all of that. Again, not his fault and I don’t regret not going, but this could be my chance now, this could be my time. I love the prospect of doing anything and potentially failing or succeeding and still surviving.

I feel like an appropriate ending to this post would be a Destiny’s Child/Beyonce song, but they probably all fit so well you should go ahead and Youtube your favorite one.