Holidays.

I feel like I’m supposed to have a dreadful feeling erupting inside of me whenever I hear that word. People give me the pity eyes when they ask how I’m getting through this time and I respond with an honest, “I’m fine.” I walk through Target and they already have their Wonderland up and I am surprised at the lack of tug I feel at my heart. My eyes don’t well up, I’m not having flashes of sweet holiday memories of the two of us singing Christmas Carols around a fire.

No, instead I feel hope. I mean I’m not jumping up and down but I’m happy and excited for this coming season. The holidays always make me happy and I could use some of that in my life after this past year. I remember the night before we ended it I was driving home alone, crying to myself, unsure why I was so unhappy and why it wasn’t getting fixed. I drove past a church with a sign out front that said, “Bring your problems to God.” So I immediately started praying, even though it had been a while and I didn’t feel even slightly worthy enough to be asking Him for anything. Despite that, I said a simple prayer that went, “God, please help me to stop crying. I am so tired of it and I just want to stop and be happy again.” I had a completely different idea in my mind how he could go about making that happen but nonetheless he answered my prayer quickly the very next morning.

So tomorrow, as I sit in a big hall with 50 of some of the best family members ever created I’m going to give thanks for prayers that are answered in the ways you least expect it.

Happy Thanksgiving!